We Are In This Together

Since we began the road of Luke and getting him help and diagnosis, Josh and my relationship has been, and continues to be tested. We're making it, but it isn't easy. 

This video highlights almost all the struggles we have gone through since we have started. The card that hits the cord for both of us is the strain Autism puts on our marriage. The biggest obstacle we have faced is the change in our parenting. We both want what is best for all of our children but accepting the change has proved to be harder than expected. We are currently taking Parenting Home Training through the CDD at UNM to help us learn how to adjust ourselves and our family to Luke's needs. And while our therapist, Lauren, is fantastic, it is easy to say we will implement the things set forth but when it comes to actually doing it, it never goes as planned. Luke is always resistant, the other two are confused by the change, and Josh and I get frustrated at each other because it didn't work instantly. 

Yes, we know things take time, but when you are in the middle of things the logic doesn't always come through till after the glare, the frustration, the meltdown from any (or all) of us. 

One thing people have asked us, "What are you two doing for each other? How are you dealing with everything as a couple?" 

In the beginning we would have had nothing to say. We are both guilty of focusing solely on the children and how they were adjusting, and forgetting about each other. Needless to say it proved to not be the right thing to do. We were at the point where we were together but not united. 

Our solution to each other didn't come over night. It took us a couple of months to realize we were going at everything the wrong way with one another. The "Oh, wow, we are not on the same page" moment came for me when some one at church asked how we were and I just started crying. She hugged me tightly and whispered comforting words to me and Josh held my hand tightly. When we drove home that day, I was mortified that I started crying out of no where, but realized we were not okay. Josh and I opened the communication door and started talking about what we could do for us and the family as a whole to make things easier. 

One solution to us, was the obvious, and something more than one person recommended... Take some GROWN UP time for the two of us, AWAY from the children. It sounds so simple but it really is hard to accomplish in the thick of things. But once we realized that it is just as important for us to have "us time" as it is for Luke to have his sessions, we have made it happen. 

We have been able to attend some beautiful weddings together as a couple with no worries of children. Cameron and Linda's was beautiful and fun. I was sad at first to not have the kids because there were so many kids there for them to play with, but after a glass of wine and a dance with Josh I was excited to be in the moment with just him.

We were lucky enough to be able to travel to California for Andrew and Kelly's wedding and made a mini vacation out of it. It was hard for me to leave the kids behind for four days but by the second day, lots of phone calls, and my mom telling me to stop calling. I was able to relax and just enjoy the time with Josh.
The wedding was gorgeous and touching. The bride was beautiful and the groom was beaming. We had a great time at the reception dancing, eating, and dancing some more.

 We met some friends, Helen and Adam, we had previously met for the first time in Florida during Josh's ITT commercial shoot and spent some time with them eating yummy food, seeing Universal Studios, and staying out till 2am, helping them celebrate a birthday in their family. Yes you heard right, we stayed out that late for the first time since college!

It was nice to get out and be together. The first few hours it was weird to not have to have a hand to hold or someone to guide, but once we got use to it, it was nice to be able to hold hands again and just be together.

Are we perfect? No, but what we've got going is working and when it stops we stop, talk, and reevaluate. We also try to remember that even though this day wasn't the best, we have tomorrow to try again. We made a promise and we intend to keep it.
We are in this TOGETHER.