My Humiliation at Wal-Mart

Today as Luke and I walked out of Wal-Mart, he let out one of his infamous random ear piercing screams. Just as I was going to calm him and hold his head an older man pointed his finger in Luke's face sternly and yelled, "Hey! Don't!" I immediately stopped the cart turned and said, "You do not talk to my son that way!" His wife got him by the shoulder and said, "He was just playing." I turned to walk out trying to keep myself together as Luke started to cry and lose it.

I was humiliated, frustrated, mortified all at once. If he only knew what we go through every day he would know that the one scream, as loud as it was, was nothing to what we were handling six months ago. If he only knew that Luke just randomly screams because he gets overwhelmed, over stimulated, and hasn't learned to say, "I need out now!" If he only knew I'm not letting my son get away with everything, I really do know what I'm doing. If he only knew Luke has Autism and though he looks normal he is special needs.

As I sobbed the entire way home and my mom tried to comfort me, Luke, finally calm, sat in his seat and sang a Selena Gomez song called "Who says" without the music on. The one line he kept singing, "Who says you're not worth it, who says you're not perfect, who says you're not beautiful, who says?" As the tears started to calm, I listened to Luke sing and I thought, "Yes, yes you are perfect. Yes, you are beautiful. I say."

Now that I am calm and have been able to breathe, I have to say I'm still mortified. I can't believe I said something back! I'm usually really good at ignoring and able to keep moving but today I snapped, and I'm so sorry for it. Is it too early to have a glass of wine to calm my nerves? I suppose it is, it is only 11:30a. I guess I'll just hug Luke extra tight and give him a few more kisses.

Dear Luke,
I love you no matter what.
Mommy